My Memories, My Thoughts, My Appreciation...

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18H30 Sunday, 13 February 2005

I was at home with Ashley (my girlfriend at the time), Robey (one of my closest friends) and his girlfriend, Natalie. We were smoking hubbly bubbly (aka okka pipe or hookah) and the phone rang. It was for me.

“Hello,” I answered. The line was bad and I couldn’t hear the voice on the other side. Then I heard someone say, “Listen Dale, I’ve got something important to tell you.” I realized that it was Chantal, a family friend and a girl I’d grown up with from a very young age.

She continued, “Russell and Carla were in an accident, “and my first thought was, “Oh ok, where are they, are they alright, where can I go see them,” and then she said, “Russell’s dead.”

An eerie presence filled my body and I could feel my face going white; “You’re Lying!” was my answer to the trash that I had just heard!

“I’m not, I’m so sorry to have to tell you,” and when she started crying on the phone I knew it was the truth. “Oh my fuck,” was the response that came from my mouth.

“I’m so sorry,” she replied.

All I could struggle to say was, “Thanks for letting me know.”

1

If memory serves me correctly, I first met Russell Clarke in 1998 when he started working at my parents shop as a cashier. This skinny boy lived in the neighboring suburb of Charlo, so it was more a convenience than anything else I suppose.

My first thoughts when I met Russell was that he came across as a geeky guy who looked as though he was preserved in a cotton bud his whole life, and too inexperienced for what life was about to throw at him at his age. It seemed like he hadn't harmed so much as a flea, and it didn't look as if he was about to any time soon. Although he had a skinny, harmless and quiet look about him, Russell had achieved being appointed head boy of his catholic school, Trinity. Trinity was run mainly by nuns, and it had a real feeling of historic heritage about it. It no longer exists on the old premises as it has moved to its junior school premises, Saint Dominic’s Priory. It is now known by the same name and the school caters for both primary and secondary education. I am told that Russell was always a well mannered, mature and well organized student, who could get away with anything.

After school, Russell studied for and obtained a Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer (MCSE) qualification. During his studies he decided to pass time in my parents shop. The biggest perk for Russell was probably my dad speaking all the crap that he did to him all the time. Something I would learn he loved and something I never really saw at the time. While at school, I wasn’t around the folks’ business as much as when I was at university; as I was at Woodridge College, a boarding school about 30 minutes from Port Elizabeth and only went home on weekends.

To be honest my only real memories of Russell from this time was that he was this quiet guy who sat behind the counter, did his job and never complained about anything. He seemed like the guy that was too nice to be successful in life, how wrong I was.

At eighteen, in his final year at school, Russell still served our church as an altar boy - altar boys and girls usually only served the altar till about fifteen or sixteen years old - which reaffirmed my thinking that he was just a plain and simple, well mannered, nice guy.

At 18 years old, Russell lost his father to a heart attack and I remember feeling especially sorry for the poor guy as he had already lost his mother to cancer a few years earlier. Russell lost his mom having turned 16 four days before the tragic day and to lose both of your parents before you’ve even started your journey through life is probably an unimaginable experience that can only be conquered by the strongest at heart.

Russell was left with his older brother and sister, Grant and Lindy. Lindy is the oldest and in many ways she fulfilled the motherly role which I think helped Russell develop into a young adult. Through the tragedy of losing both parents it pulled together a family already close even closer than they could imagine.

Left with nothing but his brother and sister, Russell decided to take his MCSE and tackle England, alone…

2

School for me was the usual same old boring stuff, actually not really. I really enjoyed my time at Woodridge College, especially my matric (final) year. There were many memories of school, predominantly good. Not only were there many good memories, but some of them will be with me forever.

I must be honest and tell you that during this time I had forgotten about Russell, I just never thought about him all that much and had no reason to. In fact, throughout my first year at university I never would have guessed that our paths would cross again.

My time at Stellenbosch University is what I call my “gap” year; studying took a bit of a back seat about half way through 2001. After six months of being lectured computer science in Afrikaans, I decided that B.Com Computer Science had to be changed to B.Comm General and my struggling with studies became struggling with hangovers. Yes, many hangovers were cured at Lloyd and Robin’s flat. The two brothers also attended Woodridge but finished in the years prior to mine.

Robin and Lloyd always welcomed us into their flat for Saturday Super 12 rugby and for the copious amounts of alcohol that was consumed during and after the day’s entertainment. Needless to say my year in Stellenbosch was filled with good memories, some that I’d never forget, and some that I’d never remember. Sadly, Lloyd is no longer with us and my Stellenbosch experience wouldn’t have been the same without him. Thank you Lloyd.

That November, exam time didn’t go according to plan. Having never finished reading a book, I read and finished two books in three weeks. They were really thick books I might add, and for a non-reader this showed how unimportant studying was to me at the time.

3

Well, back to Port Elizabeth I went, home finally. At that age it was just about enjoying being a student and having the long holidays that students have. Life was good and the social scene was even better! Every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday was spent in one of P.E.’s night clubs or pubs. Just to let you know, P.E.’s selection of praiseworthy clubs at that stage totaled a measly 2, Toby Joe’s and Tarintino’s. There were more, but they were definitely not worth mentioning and were not frequented by the majority. Don’t worry P.E.’s options have grown substantially since then and there is a lot more variety now.

On one of these ritualistic nights I found myself at Toby Joe’s. While walking from the bar to the outside deck, my attention was drawn to a slim figure sitting on the inside window sill. Yes, it was Russell, the same guy that worked behind my parents counter a few years ago. This time he looked as if he was molded by his London experience. With a cigarette in one hand and a Spiced Gold and Coke in the other, I smiled at the different Russell that I saw in front of me. It seemed England proved to be a good decision for Russell as it not only taught him to be independent, but it also proved to everyone – and more importantly to himself – that he was able to rise up to any challenge, show his character and come out on top.

We exchanged pleasantries, him with a happy surprised look on his face that is so characteristic. When I asked him what he was doing back, he explained that his visa had expired and that he had to return. It was only a brief conversation.

The next time I saw Russell was once again at Toby Joe’s. The second meeting was a bit more involved on the drinking side. In a non-sexual way, we enjoyed each other’s company so much after that that the rest became history. We had Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday on our party routine.

With Russell in the mix, our group was expanded to three. Before Russell joined, there was Gérard and I who made up our gang. The way Gérard and I are related is quite a story within itself as we’re related through a very large family.

Meanwhile at my folks’ shop everything remained the same. One of the students who started working at the shop was Maurice. Maurice happened to stay in the street parallel to Russell’s. He was a student at Varsity College and worked weekends at the shop. Maurice was an easy going guy who had a rubber arm that was always twisted. After partying with us one night he couldn’t help but join the entourage.

Alan was a bit different, but in many ways he joined our group in a similar fashion to that of Maurice. Alan started working at my parents shop when he was barely a teenager. He was much younger than us, and still under aged at the time. Since I knew the bouncers, I introduced Alan to all of them and he became a local. There was an understanding in our group, Alan and Maurice did the physical buying of the drinks and the rest of us usually paid for them.

As I said, every Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday was blessed with our presence at either Toby’s or Tarantino’s, and if they didn’t stay open late enough we’d check in at the casino.

4

A normal night would start by us all meeting at Russell’s place, courtesy of Tim and Lindy (Russell’s brother-in-law and sister) opening their home to us for pre-drinks. Often there would be a fire going under the gazebo, drinks would be guzzled, Maurice would be ripped off and on the way out the house we’d all try to convince Tim to join us.

Everyone used to jump into Lindy’s Toyota Tazz. Russell used to drive, I used to sit in the passenger seat and Gérard, Maurice and Alan used to pack into the back seats. Always being “buzz-on” in the car on the way out, we used to decide on our destination, usually Toby Joe’s. When we got there our first move was to the bar where we always made sure to get the 2 for 1 special before it ended. Once we had all our drinks in our hands, our next mission was to find a table on the deck outside.

This was often quite easy, because if you were there early enough for the 2 for 1 drink special, then it meant that there were at least four or five tables free on the deck. Accordingly, we sat our behinds firmly on the wooden slats and drank away. As we drank, spoke crap and got even more “buzz-on”, people would start swelling around us until we were engulfed in the mass. Everyone had the same intention, get drunk! As soon as we built up enough courage (if you know what I mean) we would put on our imaginary dancing shoes and hit the dance floors. It was on the Toby Joe’s dance floor that many a “pull” was accomplished!

After a lot of practice Alan became the top scorer. I think it was the mere fact that we used to take bets with him that he couldn’t kiss certain targets, or sometimes we’d tell him to ‘pull’ a chick for a drink. Yes, pretty or ugly, young or old, Alan pulled all sorts.

Gérard used to try a lot and to his credit he got the odd pull, even though they were the drunkest chicks left at Toby Joe’s. Maurice was in love with his school girl crush but did nothing about it except carry on having a crush while she pulled other guys, enough said.

Russell and I were more distinct gentlemen, we considered ourselves to be young men with high standards, so not just any pull would do. We didn’t like working as hard as the others for a pull, and I suppose in truth, rejection didn’t seem like a nice feeling. So all we did was drink loads, speak shit to as many different people as we could and allowed opportunities to come to us. We relied on our easy going natures and good sense of humour to do this, ensuring that we would attract prey of the highest quality.

It hardly worked, so we usually carried on drinking.

5

When we started going out Russell didn’t have a job and he was living off what he earned in England. He drank, gambled and spoilt himself off the well earned English pound.

Russell went to England not knowing where he was going to stay, where he was going to work, or even where he was going to take a crap. Faced with all these challenges he showed how easy it was for him to rise above life’s obstacles and get ahead. In England, Russell not only found accommodation and work, he also became a Microsoft Certified Systems Trainer (MCST) paid for by his employers. So by himself he earned a good salary, made lots of friends and found ample places to take a dump whenever he needed. Most importantly of all he remained humble and never forgot about the people back home.

Russell kept in close contact with his brother and sister back in South Africa and often sent gifts I am told. Russell never really spoke much to me about emotional mumbo jumbo, so I never asked. Each to their own and I’m not the nosey type.

Russell enjoyed gambling and so did I. In fact he was the one that taught me roulette, well sort of. Russell didn’t actually teach me, but by watching what he did I learnt a few clever tricks. I don’t know if you get things such as clever tricks in gambling, but if there were then Russell knew them. Russell was a very clever, very bright, very sharp person. Sometimes we’d be out and speaking crap as usual and I’d say something sarcastic about something or someone, and Russell would be the only person to catch on to what I was hinting at. I think we had this kind of brotherly connection that we never really knew we had.

One crazy night out at Toby Joe’s we drank till closing time, 4am I think. We had drunk and danced, and still we wanted more! As we stepped out of the Toby Joe’s doors, we knew we’d go to the casino, so off we went. After drinking at the Supersports Bar inside the casino, it was home time. We found Russell and asked him how he was doing on the roulette. He said he was losing about R1000 for the night and agreed that it was home time.

Russell had two R100 chips left. Before turning to place his chips on the table for one final bet he said to us, “This is the maddest thing I’ve done in my life!” He proceeded to put one chip straight up on zero and one chip straight up on 26. While in conversation with his back turned towards the roulette table, he turned to find the ball land in 26. Russell got paid R3500 and we decided that it was now definitely time to go home.

Exiting the casino with the sun beaming in our blood shot eyes Russell said, “Breakfast is on me.” We arrived at the 24-hour Steers takeaway still in a jovial mood, and courtesy of Russell we munched down Hero Fillet Steak Rolls while watching the sun rise over the PE harbour.

The atmosphere on the trip home was set by Chicago playing in the car, and this put the cherry on top of what would be one of the most memorable nights of my life!

6

Our group always used to speak so much crap! Sometimes we’d speak about some crazy ideas on how to make money. One night we spoke about selling t-shirts. We decided that all we needed to do is create a brand with some good designs and put it on a t-shirt. Maurice’s dad was a vendor at the beach front market and this would be our distribution base. We decided that all we needed now was a good name. So someone said, “What about adding ‘.com’ to something?” It was brilliant! So we thought of names, Russell.com, Dale.com, Alan.com, Gerard.com, Maurice.com, etc.

‘7.com’ was another favorite because of a stupid joke we use to use a lot. You ask someone, “What is the height of confusion?” and they say, “I don’t know?”
You reply “Seven.”
It’s supposed to confuse them and hence be funny.

We said that we’d even create a website, 7.com! It was all drunken talk and the only thing that came out of it was Morris.com. Maurice is still known as Morris.com today. Russell always used to say to him for absolutely no reason, ”Fuck you Morris.com!” and Morris always used to reply, “Why, what have I done now?” and Russ would just carry on saying, “Fuck you Morris, Fuck you!”

In the silence after being abused by Russell, Morris would laugh and Russell would say to him, “What the fuck you laughing for, cunt?” Then once Russell took it far enough he’d start laughing, this was just his humor.

I don’t quite think that I could describe accurately enough the type of person Russell was. It might sound a bit cliché, but words won’t do him justice. Russell’s being was a force that had to be experienced, and I am trying to achieve the very difficult objective of trying to truly reflect the great person he was. You may think that I am only praising this talented human being because he is not with us anymore. Well think what you want because if you’ve read this far my stories of his life have already captured your attention.

7

Russell’s first job back in South Africa was as a temporary IT programmer at Plascon-Barloworld. While he was working as a programmer his manager decided to leave, leaving the managerial position open. The departing manager advised Russell to apply for the position which said a lot about the potential everyone saw in him. He was up against two older candidates with more experience, but Russell always had this “who knows!?” attitude. Russell often used to say, “You never know.”

Needless to say he got the job. He now found himself as the IT Manager of Plascon-Barloworld, he drove a brand new Audi A3, received many perks and a hefty salary, all this at the age of 23.

I once read that human beings are not perfect, we all have imperfections but they are overlooked because of the bits and pieces of us that are perfect. Russell was no different, no he was not perfect. I have this theory about him that he found everything he did in life a breeze. No task was too big and none too small. Not only did he succeed in everything he set out to do, he did it effortlessly. The second part of my theory is that Russell had to make his own problems, because nothing or no one else could.

I’ve already mentioned that we both enjoyed the casino and as a result we frequented the Boardwalk Casino in Port Elizabeth. Before Russell’s success at Plascon-Barloworld, we used to go to the casino and play roulette together quite often. We’d each contribute R100 and ask for R200’s worth of the same colored chips. Whatever happened we’d split the profit or loss. Sometimes we’d sit and play, and a number would come up that neither of us had covered. We’d just sit and look at each other with this look of amazement and tell each other we’d thought the other had it covered. At times the R200 would last us the whole night and was really great value for money.

When Russell got his promotion he sort of overtook me in the cash flow department. He had more cash to blow and wasn’t putting anyone at risk by spending his own money. He enjoyed the casino and knew what he was doing. Well this is what it seemed.

Anyone that’s gambled a fair amount knows about the trap you can fall into. Roulette is a game that has big payouts when your numbers come in. So when you lose a few bets, you can make it back with one spin. The trouble starts when you have a losing streak as the next big win seems around the corner. There was a time when Russell fell into this trap and it only proved that he was human.

Not many people knew about these events as they were quite serious, I never even told my parents. On a personal note Russell went through a real low. The person he had disappointed the most was himself. Carla was a real rock for him during this time as she stood by him through this low period in his life when it was so easy to leave. Carla may know what I’m speaking about when I say she saved his life through this ordeal.

8

Carla was with Russell till the last day. During their time together, you could see how happy she made him and he was truly in love with her. You could see it in the way he spoke, behaved and treated her. Russell met Carla through a mutual friend. The first time I was introduced to Russell’s new stukkie (girlfriend) was on a night out at Tarantino’s. She was full of fun and very into him.

As I got to know Carla, I realized that she wasn’t just another girl that Russell happened to have something with. She had a great personality and a sense of humor to match! She had such a chilled out attitude with a “jeans and sneakers” look to go with it. When Carla did have to dress up for an occasion she blew people away, Russell had found a real gem!

They eventually moved in together and were well on their way to living a very fulfilling life together. They had a house, cars, property and big plans. They enjoyed each other’s friends and their families got along perfectly. Everyone was waiting for an engagement.

Carla knows best that Russell always said “everything happens for a reason”. The reason may not always be known or understood at the time, but things have a way of working themselves out. I know Carla meant a great deal to Russell’s life and she can feel safe with the knowledge that she always has an angel looking out for her.

9

Grant and Lindy were more than just siblings to Russell. Not only were Grant and Russell close brothers, but they were best friends. They would share many stories and thoughts together. Grant told me he sometimes felt as if Russell was the older brother. Knowing Grant as I do now, I can see that many of Russell’s good traits were a result of watching and learning from his older brother. Grant and Russell even shared the same attribute of being 'colorblind' and the story of the ‘silver’ car that Grant bought will be everlasting evidence! Just to be clear they saw more than black and white but a few colours looked the same to them.

Julie, Grant’s wife, was like a second sister to Russell. Grant and Julie contributed to Russell’s wish of being an uncle when Jessica was born and I’m sure Russell would agree that Grant couldn’t have done it without Julie!

As I mentioned earlier, Lindy was more than a sister to Russell. She had a motherly quality about the way she took care of and guided Russell. Their relationship was special and although Russell often humorously dismissed what Lindy used to say to him, he always took note.

Lindy’s other half, Tim, was great to Russell. He treated him like a brother and respected him like a man. Tim and Lindy also contributed to Russell’s wish for nieces and nephews when Megan was born. Russell loved kids and always taunted Lindy and Grant to have kids so that he could be an uncle. He got his wish x2!

10

As this is an account of my memories and thoughts about Russell, I’d like to end with what I learnt from the way he lived. During the years after Russell’s accident for almost every decision I had to make, I asked myself: “What would Russell do?”

The correct answer usually came to me after I asked myself this. Russell never judged, and if he did it was usually something good. He saw the good and the positives in life. He loved life and life treated him well. He was genuinely generous and his family and friends meant an awful lot to him. He had some nice possessions but they were immaterial.

His love for his family, his love for Carla and his love for his friends was something to marvel at. His main skill was with people. Everyone that knew Russell only had praise for him. His funeral was filled with old, young, rich, poor, people that knew him well and those that had met him only a few times.

Russell was wise beyond his years which complimented his youthful naughty behavior. He was a great friend and I feel truly blessed to have known someone like him. I can only try to be as much as he was. He set the bar high.

Russell, your memory will live in our hearts forever. You are a guiding light and a true inspiration.

To a friend that I will always be a friend and to a man that I respect…
…till we meet again.